Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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