That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize