I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
