it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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