Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
