This is not my ceiling
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
