im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
