my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish i was in the wii world.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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