Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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