I love black thongs
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
