Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
