So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
