Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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