This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
