I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
