I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know her cup size but not her name....
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