i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
