ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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