regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
