How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
