I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
