the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
pray to the hookup gods
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
