Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
