Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
