I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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