i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
