how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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