I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
