he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
