I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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