I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
