love makes seman taste better
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
