Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize