Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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