i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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