i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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