The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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