Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
