Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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