i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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