I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
