I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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