Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
