i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
