Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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