I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
