I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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