I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
