Whatcha textin bout Willis?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize