I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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