Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
