I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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