people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
