I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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