he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
