I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
