He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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