if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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