the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
