Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize