Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
