you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
