I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
