So drunk its hurt
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
