great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
