Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
