I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
