Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
