ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
