i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
