You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
